Don't Wanna Be
by bardalicious
Summary: this is set when Goku takes his coronet off in the desert. What if Sanzo never woke up during the battle? What if Goku asked Hakkai to do something more than to just stop him? Rated T for swearing..


Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki. Or it's characters.

This is about Goku and Hakkai, you don't see much of these. This is set when Goku goes berserk in the desert after Sanzo got poisoned. But I'm adding a couple of things. Like, what if Sanzo never woke up during the battle, and Hakkai had to revert to killing his friend? Then Sanzo wakes up after to find that one of their party members isn't there.

Don't Wanna Be

" Hey Hakkai, will you stop me? Once it's over?" Goku asked, his back turned on his comrad and the unconcious Sanzo. Sanzo was poisoned by Renli after they have been captured down in her lair, he was headed for his maten scriptures but...the scorpion lady was just too fast. Kougaiji was the only one that stood in their way, they had made a deal if he wins he gets the maten scriptures, but to beat Kougaiji to get the dragon Goku would have to kill him.

" Goku, you're not going to..." Hakkai said, knowing exactly what the young boy was talking about. Fear showed in his eyes and memories of the fight with Rikudo flashed in his mind.

" I can't beat him the way I am now...but I can't lose either. One more thing, if things get bad, I want you to kill me." Goku said, " I don't want to kill the people I hold dear...I don't want to be a murder Hakkai, I just don't!"

" Goku, don't! I don't want to kill you either!" Hakkai yelled, holding Sanzo, " I don't want Sanzo to wake up just to find that Gojyo and I had killed you, I don't want him to..."

" What choice do I have? I can't kill Kou...I just can't..." Goku said, taking off his coronet, " I'm counting on you Hakkai..."

" Goku!" Hakkai yelled. He watched in horror as Goku transformed into his true form, Seiten Taisen.

Gojyo and Dokugakuji watched from the distance, " That stupid monkey!" Gojyo yelled, " What was he thinking!"

The battle flew by, Seiten Taisei Goku could not be stopped. Hakkai was running out of ideas. " Gojyo! this is...impossible...we can't stop him."

" Then what can we do, huh! That's still Goku in there! We can't kill him..." Gojyo yelled, " Besides, if Sanzo wakes up to find out we killed his monkey we'd never hear the end of it!"

Seiten Taisen Goku was staring them down, his voice rang through Hakkai's mind, ' If things get bad, I want you to kill me...I don't want to be a murderer Hakkai! I just don't!'

" What was he thinking anyway? The only ones who can put his stupid coronet back on are the gods or Sanzo. It can't be done." Gojyo said, " What do you say? Try and wake Sanzo up?"

" If Sanzo moved the poison would just spread faster...I just wonder what he would think if he saw Goku like this." Hakkai said solemnly.

" I don't know, but maybe it's best if he doesn't see Goku like this." Gojyo said, " I don't think he'd like it."

" None of us like it Gojyo, but this was Goku's decision, and his decision alone." Hakkai countered, " I don't know what he was thinking. He knows we can't stop him when he's like this."

Gojyo nodded in agreement, ' Goku would never fight like this...he just doesn't want to be a murderer...' He thought, looking down at Sanzo, " Hey Hakkai, any ideas yet?"

' I don't want to do this, if he can't be stopped then what other choice is there? How am I suppossed to kill him anyway? Grab Sanzo's gun and shoot him?' Hakkai was thinking, ' No, I can't...Sanzo would kill me...'

" Hakkai!" Gojyo yelled, " Behind you!"

Hakkai whirled around to be kicked in the face by Goku, " Goku! Stop!" He yelled, but to no avail. Seiten Taisen Goku wouldn't listen to Hakkai. ' Damn, this isn't working...' Hakkai thought.

" Hey monkey! Over here!" Gojyo yelled, Goku turned to him. " Let's get this over with."

Goku made a low growl, and ran towards Gojyo, Hakkai watched in horror as Seiten Taisen released his wrath on the half-breed, " Gojyo, no!"

But the Half-breed just kept on taking whatever Goku had to give him. ' Gojyo...'

" You stupid monkey! Doesn't Sanzo train you enough!" Gojyo yelled, punching Goku, who in turn had him pinned down.

" Gojyo!" Hakkai yelled, " It's no use! We just can't put his coronet back on him."

But Gojyo couldn't hear him, Goku had knocked him out. Then, he turned to Hakkai, ' I have to do it...for Goku's sake...' He grabbed Sanzo's gun out of his robe, and pointed it at Goku, ' I don't want to be a murderer Goku, but I don't want you to live with this as a regret...my friend...'

Goku started to run, ' I don't want you to have the same scars as me...' He continued to run, ' Sanzo will just have to deal with you gone...' Still, Goku continued to run, ' Good bye, my friend.' And Hakkai shot the gun, hitting Goku in the chest.

' Bang!' was what Gojyo heard first when he woke up, ' Sanzo's awake?' He looked up, no, it was Hakkai. ' He didn't...' But he did, he shot Goku. The young boy was lying dead on the ground, ' No...'

" I had to do it Gojyo, there was no other way." Hakkai said solemnly, " Sanzo won't be too happy..."

Gojyo got up, " No, I suppose he won't..."

Hakkai picked Goku's body up and saw that Hakuryu was flying their way, asking the dragon to turn into a jeep again the dragon sadly obeyed.

" I think I should drive, Hakkai..." Gojyo said, " You're in no condition to.."

" Fine, if that's what you want." Hakkai said getting in the back with Goku, and watched as Gojyo carried Sanzo to the front. " I don't think we'll hear the end of this one." Gojyo said, " Sanzo will just get more vulgar, I think..."

_Just continue being strong, Priest Genjo Sanzo._

Sanzo woke up to find himself in a room, '' But I am not strong.."

" Not at the moment, you aren't. But that neccesarily doesn't make you weak either..." Hakkai's voice said, but Sanzo could sense a little sadness in it.

" What happened?" He asked, " How'd we get here?"

" Kougaiji got us out of the desert, but he...he wanted to fight for the maten Scriptures.." Hakkai said, " He said...if Goku killed him we could have a dragon to get you to safety, but if he won he'd get the scriptures..."

" Tch, Goku wouldn't kill Kougaiji, he never gets the courage to do it..." Sanzo said bitterly.

" No, I guess he wouldn't..." Hakkai said solemnly, " I guess I'll go check on Gojyo then..."

Sanzo stared at the man, " Where is the stupid monkey anyways?"

Hakkai closed his eyes, ' I guess he'll learn sooner or later.' " Goku took his coronet off during the battle, he couldn't kill Kougaiji the way he was..."

" What! That stupid monkey..." Sanzo cursed, getting up, " Where is he now?" There was something in Hakkai's eyes that told him it wasn't good. " Hakkai, you didn't..."

" I had no choice Sanzo, he told me before he did it, if anything went bad to just kill him...I didn't want to do it, but..." Hakkai couldn't find words to say, the fact was, he killed Goku.

" I see..." Sanzo said, headed out the door, " But I need to know where he's at..."

" In the room with Gojyo, under some blankets on the bed..." Hakkai said, " I thought it was best that you didn't wake up to see Goku dead right away..."

Sanzo nodded and headed for the room Hakkai directed him to. Opening the door, he saw Gojyo staring out the window, and Goku's body on the bed next to him. " Go ahead and take a look, we put his coronet back on so he'd look normal." Gojyo said, with sadness in his voice.

Sanzo worldlessly walked over to Goku, and took his sheets off. With a sigh, he stared at Goku's dead body, " How did Hakkai kill him anyway?" He asked.

" Shot him with your gun...his chi wasn't powerful enough." Gojyo said, " And don't go on a little rampage just because Hakkai used your gun..."

Sanzo glared, but then his face softened, ' Killed with my gun, eh?' He asked himself, how many times has he threatened Goku with that gun? And now it was the thing that ended his happy go lucky life.

The next couple of months were hard for all three of them, Sanzo became more vulgar than he used to be, Gojyo stopped his 'women' chasing, but still fought with Sanzo occasionally, and Hakkai remained quiet most of the trip.

" Dammit Sanzo! Why did you do that!" Gojyo yelled holding his head where Sanzo had hit him with his fan, " I didn't even do anything this time!"

Sanzo didn't say a word, but just turned his back to Gojyo. They were headed to visit their friend, buried underneath a willow tree. Son Goku. Hakkai placed Goku's coronet on the grave, " It's time to let go, you guys...it's time to just let him go..." He said softly.

* * *

The end, I know! It sucked, you can flame me if you want. I was just playing with that idea... 


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